During IEM Kraków, the conversation about life after the professional Counter-Strike scene took on a notably personal tone. In an ESL podcast, scene veterans Gabriel “FalleN” Toledo and Dan “apEX” Madesclaire, joined by Peter “dupreeh” Rasmussen, Andrey “B1ad3” Gorodenskiy, and Chad “SPUNJ” Burchill, openly discussed the topic of retirement — without pathos, but with a clear sense of inner fatigue and doubt.
“What’s next?” as the central question
dupreeh, who has already gone through the transition away from active competition, clearly articulated the core issue many legends face after stepping away:
You leave your player identity behind. I had dupreeh — and I had Peter. But when dupreeh disappears, only Peter remains. And then the question becomes: what else am I actually good at in life?
According to him, professional life in CS is so deeply intertwined with personal life that searching for meaning after the stage becomes a “million-dollar question.” He acknowledged that freedom after retirement is real, but it “comes at a cost,” as it takes time to understand who you are without servers, tournaments, and trophies.
I’m grateful to now be able to be on the other side of the monitor, but I’m still searching — what is my next chapter? Will I find something that gives me the same kind of joy? I don’t think so — at least not in the same way.
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apEX: the fear of losing adrenaline
apEX admitted that for him, retirement is not about fear of everyday life, but about losing emotion:
The adrenaline… losing that. We’ve traveled for so long, worked with people, put everything in to reach the point where you win trophies. That feeling — losing it is scary.
The French IGL then directly asked FalleN whether life after CS scares him.
FalleN: “I was ready to let go — but the team was too good”
The FURIA captain’s response became the key moment of the discussion. FalleN admitted that he was genuinely preparing himself to retire, but the team’s competitive level made him reconsider:
I was honestly preparing to let it go. But the team was just too good. I thought: seriously? I’ve played for eight years — and now I’m just going to leave?
However, his main challenge is not competitive, but personal. FalleN emphasized that being a top-level player while not being from Europe means constantly living far from family:
For me it’s even harder because I’m not from Europe. I have to stay here for long periods of time — away from my family and my wife. That takes a toll.
He added that he has been with his wife for 15 years, and at some point, priorities change:
I want to have kids, do other things. That’s where a bit of fear comes from. But right now I’m just enjoying it a little more — and then it’ll be time to go. I know that. And I’m at peace with it.
Voices from the FURIA side
Following the podcast, the discussion also sparked reactions on social media. Raul “RauEs” Ribeiro, a Brazilian CS broadcast analyst closely associated with the FURIA community, commented on the topic with light irony, suggesting that the simplest way to delay retirement talks is to keep winning.
At the same time, he highlighted how exceptional FalleN’s career path has been — spending years at the highest level while being based outside Europe, enduring constant travel, and making significant personal sacrifices to remain competitive on the world stage.
Community reaction: “this was real”
The honest part of the podcast quickly received a warm and emotional response from the community. In the comments, fans almost unanimously focused not on individual quotes, but on the chemistry between apEX and FalleN and the overall mood of the conversation — calm, human, and far removed from typical esports content.
Many viewers wrote that the captains looked less like rivals and more like longtime friends:
apEX and FalleN have incredible vibes — they look like childhood friends.
Others recalled past moments of mutual respect between them, saying the conversation only reinforced that bond:
The mutual respect they have for each other is something I truly admire.
Some reactions were openly emotional. Fans admitted they didn’t want the podcast to end, and that the idea of FalleN retiring hits hard:
I love FalleN so much. I will cry when he retires.
Others perfectly captured the atmosphere of the discussion:
They all sounded like uncles at a family gathering, drinking some beers and talking about life.
The community also highlighted SPUNJ’s role as a moderator — or rather, his near absence toward the end:
SPUNJ barely needed to do anything — the conversation just flowed.
The overall tone was clear: this was an honest, unfiltered conversation — not only about Counter-Strike, but about life after it.
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Between the game and lif
Despite the candid talk about fatigue, adrenaline, and life beyond the server, apEX and FalleN are not speaking from the position of people who have already drawn a final line. Their reflections are an attempt to understand the moment they are currently in — caught between the desire for a “normal life” and the still-strong need to compete, belong to a team, and find meaning in the game.
The value of this conversation is not in timelines or trophies. It is about identity and inner balance — about how players who spent almost their entire adult lives at the top of Counter-Strike try to understand themselves beyond the role of a professional esports player. And about the cost of that path, especially when the summit is far from home.
